I hate this feelings!!!!

Today...im going to angsana..

Well he want to buy something at there..

I really dnt feel want to went there..

I feel hate and arrggghhh...

Nak tak nak..need to..

Well, both of us too hungry..and we went to McDonald..

Well2...i saw those people which make my feelings uggghhh!!!

 And well...the one which need to work didnt work today for her last day..

Oh ya!! Well maybe she have to replace me ..

so dats why..she didnt have to work today..

so how bout me before..

which have to work for 3 weeks but never mention anything to them

why its being unfair to both of us..

if they said im so lazy and not good work..

come on...i always make my best to do..

and my work always finish right away ..

mistake??hellooo...all people always make mistake..

dnt tell me that all of you never ever make mistake ...

dnt be stupid..

holiday..skip of work..

come on..never do that..

even i want to replace people or had something that need me to skip..

they always never ever trust me..

and their mind always said dat im going to meet my boy..

hello...how about her that want to meet her fiancee..

and when i want to be with my family..

for something dat all of you never understand or been in my place..

i never skip my work.. never except urgently..

For my last week of work... there are 3 days im on leave,,,

why??because i had 5 days leave(5 hari cuti yg aku tak dapat habiskan)

why i cant take those leave if i want...

and why all of you want to complaint and said im making excuses ..

what ever im doing...im doing excellent for my work before..

what is wrong with  them??

i never felt this hate before..

i dnt want any grudge..but i felt so sad and how could those people do that to me..

today are suppose the last day for her..

but she didnt work..sm1 else work..

and dats make me wondering ..

if they said she had to replace me before..

hello..i have work for 3 weeks before and need to work for my last day..

and why not her..doing that also..

how stupid and unfair of people..especially malay people...

why all of you being unfair to me..

ape yg dah aku buat smpai korang benci kan aku sgt2...

sepanjang aku bekerja..aku tidak memberikan mslh pd korang...

sepanjang aku jaaga booth..seinci pun aku tidak bergerak dr tmpt korang..

tp korang ..yeah i know u r senior..whatever u do..we never said anything...

but what ever i do...jadi bahan dan pengutukan bg mereka..

and everything i done is wrong..

even time rehat yg sepatutnya time aku balik keje utk rehat..

klu nk suh aku duduk c2 dr pg smpai petang..

mane waktu rehat aku..even tmpt tu berbayar..suppose 1 jam rehat ade kan..

kenapa???kenapa???semua salah aku????kenapa???

Yanan nk tanya kak why balik..kenapa semua jadi salah yana ??

did im look  stupid to u....hey!! semua manusia itu sama ..

jangan sampai kembali semula pada korang semua!!

sebagai budak praktikal..im suppose to be cooperate with all of you..help all of you..

but seems im like SOH CHAI..to u!!

aku tak berdendam tapi aku cukup kesal sebab menjadi  kawan pada orang yg tidak menghargainya...menganggap aku manusia paling bodoh dan senang dipermainkan!!!

mungkin itu aku yang dulu...tp aku takkan patah baalik pada tempat yang sepatutnya..

Terima kasih untuk semua ini !!!

To whoever

I know im wrong
i know im not a good persosn
but how could all of u treat me like this..

Last day, 20th i realize that im not so important to all of your heart..
when none of you felt sad when im gone..
maybe i didnt contribute anything to all of you..
not even money because of my condition
and none of you could understand my situation because all of you are not me..

Someone that i close to..
going anywhere with all of you..
eat, chat, jokes and even sad..
but those people dnt even sad and nothing expression on all of your face on my last day..
kak mar..seems so busy ..
ili, just smile and hurry go ....
siti just smile..
kak why...doesnt feel anything ..just said.."alah bukan ko tak campur dgn kiteorg lg"
how about if 2moro i die even i know i still lack iman and pahala in me..
but did all of you regret...
kak ain seems appreciate me..
kak maya and fad also even im not always hanging out with them..
but why those people felt that way but not people that i close to..
i felt sick to all of you..
i dnt knw is it rite after this that i hang out with all of you 2..
i thought maybe im too emo for everything but i think...
other people dnt seem so..
please dnt do like this to others after me...
Love you guys even you r not..
thanz coz being my fren...

SAD ENTRY RITE,,
there are so many story but i dnt want to write..
coz my head going to explode now..

Apis..is not here rite now..

something urgently about his work which he need to go to mersing..

and i had nobody to cry on..'

Please going back rite now..

I need you!!

so angry dat time..

20th is suppose to be my last day untill en faizal ask me about my last day..
he said my name still on duty for 22th..
so he said he dnt wnt to sit there alone..
im shock aik kak why tak tahu ke ak dh tak keje..
ok fine..i ask zila..and zila said..never mind u dnt have to go to work..

suddenly,...breakfast time..
zila said yana ko kena keje sbb ko kena habiskan minggu tu jugak..
klu kena jaga booth..kena jagalah..
i silent and stare her ..
dat time i felt all my blood running to my head..
i felt so angry and said to myself what kind of company is this..
my contract are finish on 20th..and why i have to work ..
sedangkan zila and siti is there..
i am so angry...and make me silent..and when i talk ...my voice is too serious
but i didnt raise voice or angry to them especially siti..
why others people they could understand..why not me..
zila said i cant expect that other people would understand me like her..
but why kak mar when she looks glum or angry and i ask them ..
they said kak mar mcm g2..
then when its going to be me..
no one could accept that...
is it fair.??
juz bcoz im new or im freak..
Then i know im wrong even i told fad dat i want skip..
i want they felt what i felt,..they love to attack me but they dont even realize..
but dat time i am so angry..dats all..
but then i think better i work..or it would be other people burden...
but today..im sori..i really cant work..
i know en faizal could nt come to work..
and is it fair i come alone when im sick..
and they said sick is excuses..

Betul kata someone..keje kt c2..
very hard..
nk kena tunggu org tu pengsan agknye..br nak percaya..
YA ALLAH..kuatkanlah semangat aku menghadapi semua ini..

what kind of persons they are????

To siti...
I want to clear my name today ..
when before this you had told kak why and ili..
dat i am lying to u..

I AM NOT LYING TO U...
ok..i thought dats is nothing..
juz something silly that happen to us..

One day..she ask my help to fax when im going upstairs to send thing to Puan Zodiah..
I said i didnt go to fax machine and just go like dat..
i am sorry..sometimes my head full of things dat i dnt even realize..
in my head, i always think how to finish my report..
is it wrong if im photostat in office..
or using their printer..
zila kata wtpe nk berbayar klu blh gune free..
im not blaming u zila..u just give ur opinion..
i understand..
then i just go upstairs and send those letters..
then i thought why not im photostat now because nobody at here rite now..
so i go to fax machine and photostat my things which i hold those things anywhere i go..(hehe)
sambil2 tgk kak sal punye fax...(sbb die ade suh tgk kan fax die)
okie..then suddenly siti came up..
i juz smile and then realize..
oh my God..i forgot to tell her..
then i apologize about b4..
i told her..that some1 want me to look for their fax..
actually dat time even few months in there..
im not that good...remmember people name..
and i said this..

sori..siti..sori sgt2..
td kak shida mtk tolong..photostat..

(sbnrnye photostat tu aku nye..and fax kak sal punye which i thought kak sal tu kak shida..)
Sumpah tak caya tanye kak sal..
rsnye kak sal..sbb kak ros yg bhg projek kan..little bit confuse here..
i dont want tell her the truth because i knew all people will angry to me when i told them bout my report..
for them i need to do those report after work..
Puan Morita had ask me b4 to do that ..dnt always focus to work only..
but after work little bit hard before..yelah tumpang zila..kdg2 die pun ade hal sndiri..
balik nk cepat cume after adik die tumpang br balik lmbt skit..
tp penah ke ak ngamuk ngn die sbb lmbt..
aku snyp jek cume kdg2 bg opinion..
aku tak blame die pun..
No one will understand me rite..

so then i thought its finish..
suddenly..ili said: eh ramai org bahagian admin takde ek..sume pergi kursus..
kak why: a'ah..
ili : en rashdan, kak mas and kak shida..

my head suddenly turn to ili..
i'm seems blur dat time..
then..Ya Rabbi...kak shida org admin..mati aku..mesti siti ingt aku tipu die..
ahhh...takpelah..perkara kecik jek..takkan nk besar2kan...

ok lor..i just let it go..(malu sndiri sbnrnye,,sbb slh org, malu gak nk explain ngn dorang..nnt slhkan aku lg, jd bahan disalahkan jek)

but then after recess...kak why said want to go to pos..
and ili said: jOm kak why naik atas jmpe kak shida..
i silent for a while..dah kenapa ili ni..
kak why blur2..tibe2..
a;ah..jmpe...ape tah yg dorang perli2..aku diam jek..
tiba2..kak why ckp..2 r padan muka...nk ape aku tak ingt die ckp..
kan dah kantoi...( wow dats hurt my feelings)

why dont they ask me directly..why i am doing this??
and i thought that is just a small matter and why siti doing this to me..
why she want to make people hate me..
and why dont ask me dat time..
kak yana..why u lying even im not..
what kind of person they are..
and again im sorry if i am not good person to all of u..
i am justt commom people that had my mistake and im sorry if my mistake irritating all of u..

and im so sori..coz i cant even join all of you again..
i knew dat all of you had think badly about me..
and telll all story bout how bad i am to our group like kak mar,bad, halil, khairul, zairol,kak lin..
its ok..im forgive all of you..and forgive me also..
IM BAD PERSON RITE..
i had no right to be all of your friends..

I'm so sad...

Today is the most worse day for me..
How embarass i am to my boss..
and how could others treat me like this.

2oth november - My last day of work'
But i have to work again 22th..
i dnt know why..but they said i have to..
dat is the rules of work..
even angry and had intention to skip..
ok fine..just go on..
which haffis said..just work coz afraid people will do something to me..

But then...today..i really not feeling so well..
3days before..my head spinning like crazy..
tp still tahan..well just few days to end this work..

THEN TODAY....my worse nightmare...
i call kak why to tell her that i couldnt come to work bcoz im really sick rite now..
feeling like to throw and head dizzy..
she didnt pick up when my sis call her..
Ok fine, never mind juz msg her or else they will blame me for everything..
After that, u know what she reply to me

Call Puan Morita sendiri,

sebab dia yang nilai report kau...

Peh, org sakit di suh call, bkn nk tolong..
Ok fine, i try to call her,
she;s not even pick up,
Oklah,...msg her..then she said today is my last day..
then, i think ok lah..but i really dizzy..cne nk layan customer..
dr smlm tak kurang..mata dh lah blur..
Ari tu apis amek ak dr umah zila sbb nk suh g doc..(gle ak tak nak)
but i think zila will think bad about..
never mind people always sangka buruk kt ak..

Then the most saddest thing in my world..
with tears and feel hurt..

She reply..

Nape last minit?

Kan 2day ur last day..

i just receive sms frm others said u juz making excuses...

Is it true??

How do u feel when u r at my place??
Im making excuses..
yes i had intention b4 to skip but today im really sick ..
and they said im making excuses..
why they really love to blame me??
what is my fault to them??
Astaghfirullah...bukan ke memfitnah itu berdosa...

Whatever pun i forgive them..coz no hard feeling even so sad..
but i hope they realize what they have done to me..
I know they hate me bcoz my face always look glum and aangry..
but i ask them back did i ever raise my voice to them..especially KAK WHY..
what i have done to u..dat make u really hate me dat much and not even trust me..
why u dont even know me 1st...
is it i am freak and not funny like zila ...
u really dislike me dat much..

Jaga booth slalu sorang2..
well kdg2 kesian dgn yg len sbb gaji utk jg booth shari cume RM10..
ok never mind..
Today..even im feel so sick..i really felt to tell all story that i felt in my praktikal..
that i thought i dnt even want to talk about..

Bile lah nk dpt keje ...huhu

Huh...bile lah agaknye nk dpt keje..

dah nak masuk 4 interview..

sume tak interest kt aku..

lack experience kononnye..

Mudah2an tak lah aku nyusahkan keluarga..

belajar tinggi2 tp tak dpt tolong mereka..

Hmpir putus asa gak lah...

Yelah praktikal dh habes..

takkan nk goyang kaki duk umah...

Nak cite psl interview..tp nntlah..(nk smbung tito)hehe

NEw StuFF..NeW TriAl Life

Ok guys..i need to sleep actually rite now!!

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